A Big Little Girl's (and sometimes her big self's) whisperings

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am trying to see if i can do the cut and link....  ( test )

i watched this video on msn and then found it on youtube....  just watching it, i was amazed and a bit surprised.  one cuz the shark kept seeming to taste the sub... but also it seemed to be smiling.. but i guess the main thing that surprised me was how majestic it looked.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=h5U3FI4_85E

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 it sure feels good to be doing a bit of sewing again... school has been so crazy...  that i haven't done it in a bit.... but i knew i needed to at least try to get working on stuff in my sewing basket.  so on new year's day i got pants hemmed for hubby cuz he was issued new pants for his job and also did a few for one of his co-workers for which she is paying me.

but what is way cool or least i think it is..... is wed night when i was sleepin i had a dream and knew exactly what i was gonna make for me.  i've had this really cute fabric for about 18 months and just haven't done anything with it... its a very pretty pink (very little girl pink) and it has some sparkle to it and it has the word princess all over it...  i made a very cute set of baby doll pajamas... with ruffles.  it has the mini nightgown (supposed to be babydoll type shirt but on me its a mini nightgown) and shorts which look more like bloomers or as I call 'em mini pantaloons....  

it turned out sooooo cute... well to me its cute.  i just got thru with it.   i know its like after 1am... but i hadda finish it.

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oooo...... i watchin the boomerang channel and i just saw thundar and now i watchin mightor......cool... johnny quest is on now... think i'll watch that and then go to bed.

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friend on here had lots of cool quizzes so i took some of 'em and this is what they said.  now if only i could find a quiz to determine what type of little i is... that would be way cool. 

What's Your Power Bird?

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(got this from a friend's blog and since it said to post in my LJ... I doing just that.)

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often or ever) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me.

It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph in your LJ and see what your friends come up with.

Its the first of december.  so now its the beginning of a new month and i'm sitting here feeling out of sorts.  worried about being behind in classwork, kinda of tired cuz bedtime is all over the place, and losing focus at work and at other things. 

this morning i managed to get up, do about 10 minutes on the treadmill and then did like 30 minutes of a core workout.  for breakfast i had about half a grapefruit and then a small bowl of barbie cereal.   spent last night thinking about my weight.  thought of the dance dance revolution game i have, the different excercise dvd's i have and was both encouraged and discouraged at the same time.  

i want soo much to lose the weight and get in shape, yet realized i lack the self-discipline to really do it.  i know i have friends who support me both in real life and online.. yet...  something is missing... i think i know yet... in my mind and heart it seems too weird.

a few weeks ago i attended this rather interesting class.  even tho some it made me feel a little funny.... i did have fun. and to me what made it cool was that i learned a few things about myself.  one, i'm not as nutty as i thought.

had an ok thanksgiving.  spent most of it just chilling and catching up on shows i'd recorded over the last month or so.  should have done homework/schoolwork but didn't.  mainly i just let myself go numb and not think about it.  i love this time of year cuz of the weather and all the pretty lights, yet it is also the time of year i dread the most.  i don't like the holidays much... each year am trying to get to like them and to learn that this time of year can be fun... to not let past affect me.. but it still does.... but each year it does get less and less.  

for the first time in not sure how long.. i actually want to put up our christmas tree and do it this week.  i even want to hang my up my stocking.  

    

 

Completely and absolutely up to no good!

I had an absolutely wonderful time. 

Arrived and were practically met at the door.  Was welcomed with open arms.  He served us pancakes, turkey bacon, and fruit salad with a variety of juices and coffee.  Had a nice chat during brunch and then C (godfather) motioned me outside and we had a heart to heart talk.  He knew stuff was going on and he and his 1st wife had actually been trying to get evidence and wanting to get custody of me but then folks moved and he was never able to get the evidence he needed. 

After a bit we all got ready to go to the fair.  We brought extra garb but only S his wife now dressed up.  S says she is happy to be my godmother now.  She told me that years ago when I first met her and she told me again yesterday.  (His first wife died of diabetic complications)  There and back lots of general chit chat and some serious talks.  C even apologized for not trying harder to keep up with me and for not being ther before.  I told him it was ok... He was there at least when he could and he is here now.  I was able to tell him why I'm in therapy... all of it includng my BPD... and he was like.. he wasn't surprised. 

It was a great visit.  Lots of laughter, lots of catching up... lots of heart to heart stuff.  He is even going to come down later this week and help W and teach him about replacing the calipers on the front brakes. 

To think... the only reason why he created a facebook acct was so he could keep up with his son who is in the dorm at college.... tho he sometimes comes home on weekends.....   and just out of the blue i decided to try facebook and found him.   

W is glad I found him... today he is amazed at how i lit up yesterday and how i have seemed to come alive...  to him me finding my godfather is meaning good things and he is sooo happy for me.  C and hubby hit it off.   It was such a great day and am sure we will be seeing quite a lot of him as he is only like 40 miles from us. 

after like eons i found my godfather and am in contact with him.  and he lives in md so not far from us. 

everything is going well and at the same time everything seems to be falling apart.  things are all jumbled inside and not sure where to turn or what to do.  nothing is truly simple anymore. 

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